"Rainbow" by South Border

Atmosphere: "Rainbow" by South Border, and a glass of iced Orange Juice in my unlit bedroom.

I can't sleep. That's rare. That's odd.

I surfed to South Border's website and found myself attracted to one of its lead vocalists, Vince. Then I realised something freaky: I've had a series of attractions to men borned in the beginning/end of the month. IS was borned on 23 Dec, ZM was borned on 4 Sep, MH was borned on 31 June, RM was borned on 31 Sep. Probably a few more coincidences?!

I'm pretty sure this song is keeping me awake with reflections of my life. I'm suddenly reminded about how I should start to make my own life's goals list, like the one ST's trainer got her whole office to do. ST has already achieved her first on her list: Get her driving license. I'm extremely happy for and proud of her, yet concurrently I'm feeling intimidated by the sense of aimlessness in my life which I didn't even realise was cohibiting in me.

If I could have a list, what would mine be?! Who am I racing against?! Peers or time?! Self or the devils of the urban lifestyle?! I could have a list. I should have a list. It's free, it has always been in me. But it was empty. I'm gonna fill it. Thanks ST for being the inspiration you never knew you became to me.

I tossed and turned on my bed, listening to the song and observing its lyrics. Whenever I listen to this song, I only listen to it on repeat mode. It's been playing countless times on my hi-fi set, yet the lyrics still seem so honest, so true, so for me:

"...Life's full of challenges, not all the time we get what we want
But don't despair my, dear (no no no)
You'll take each trial and you'll make it through the storm 'cause you're so
My faith in you is clear
So they say once again this world's beautiful
And let us celebrate life that's so beautiful, so beautiful..."

I still think the world is a beautiful place, but I don't expect the world population to agree with me. I don't expect husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, employers, employees, teachers, students to agree with me. I don't expect politicians and activists to agree with me, what more those who have been living in charity homes, to agree with me.

Maybe one day I will not accept this belief of mine anymore. But today is not the day. Today the world is still acceptably beautiful. But sometimes I wonder: can I really chnage the world?! Can I really make the world to be what it is today, to be the same, if not better, say 10 to 20 years from now?! Or are those change-the-world lines craps to scam everyone in the world to try, so that 10 people will succeed, and the rest of the world, fail?! I don't know.

Maybe after I do my list, I will (know).

PS I stumbled upon this cool webblog while searching for some South Border materials, and she gave me some ideas for my webblog, and a lot of thinking (about life) to do now. Go check it out, it might give you the same effect.